di saat saling mengenali

ku temu cintamu memanggil

dalam prasaan yang tak kau dengari

belahla jasad ku

tiraikan malam ku

pasti akan kau jumpa 

api cinta menyala

hingga akhir nafas ini

sayang sampai akhir pasti

cinta tak bisa berganti

sumpahku hanya kau di sisi

genggam tanganmu yang suci

sampai rambut ku memutih

cintaku tersimpul mati

di syuga tetap kau ku nanti

sumpah cintaku hanya padamu....

Cara Menghalau Lipas

Oh~ korang risau pasal lipas~? hehe...

ataupun korang geli ngan lipas~? hohoho...

saya pun nyampah gak tengok hidupan tu..hahahaha

well... kalau korang nak tau cara halau lipas tu... korang boleh ikut petua saya..

first, korang mesti tau pasal product Mr. Muscle kan~?

Jap..tengok gambar ni dulu..

 

ni bathroom cleaner y selalu saya pakai cuci toilet...

kalau jumpa lipas, saya sembur je pakai benda ni~ hahahahahaha

ataupun, korang boleh semburkan pada setiap sudut celah ceruk rumah korang tu,

tapi bau dia korang kene tahanla~ boleh tahan gak~



tu je~ cao~

My Story - The Monochrome Sky

Chapter 1

Tsuna stared far into the end of the horizon, to the stretched sky above his head. His eyes lacked life, as if he was bored of everything. Of anything.

But when the shining diamond shone at the end of the horizon between the vibrant earth and the pastel sky, his lips twitched a smile. Even for a minute, a serene facade lingered there, on that apathetic face.

He basked in the sun shining in front of him, uncaring of the precarious height of the metal fence he perched on. With his legs dangling back and forth, he was fixated on the beautiful scene in front of him, beautiful orange hue with purple and pink coloring the clouds. It was a sight photographers could only wish to be able to accurately portray.

He vaguely wished for time to stop and allow him to enjoy this moment a bit longer. Not that he didn't want to go back on the ground. It's just… he didn’t want to, not yet.

His fingers gripped the weaving of the fence. He appreciated the view once more before checking the time on his wrist watch. Oh, it's already 6:30, maybe Mom will nag at me when I reach home late.

Tsuna gave a last look at the bright shining sun that begun to rise. A rare smile tugged at his lips, awkward in its disuse. The clouds slowly drifted away like steam and the city view became clear.

It was a nice day today, and Tsuna hoped the rest of the day would be as peaceful and quiet as now.

Then, he jumped.

Blood rushed through his adrenaline filled body, with nerves tingling in his spine and he closed his eyes in bliss. A warm feeling burned inside him, fiery, yet maybe not quite. This hobby of his - only hobby, really - always lifted his spirits.

When he opened his eyes, the ground was less than 10 meters away. Experience led him into smooth moonsaults coupled with a landing of bent legs to absorb the impact, then transitioned to smooth and graceful steps.

He pocketed his hands inside of his pants before taking a light run to his home, the abandoned area growing distance behind him. Brown locks bounced with his steps, apathy back on his face with a small frown, his smile gone.

"YO, SAWADA!"

Tsuna glanced to his side, previously empty but was now filled by Sasagawa Ryouhei, one of his seniors at Namimori Middle, captain of the boxing club. Though not overly large, his overwhelming presence and loud nature tended to make people twitchy.

Tsuna didn’t give him any attention other than a nod for greeting, focusing more on the rhythm of his jogging.

"WHY DON'T YOU JOIN THE BOXING CLUB, AND WE CAN TRAIN TOGETHER TO THE EXTREME?!"

The volume made him wince and with a reflex, he side stepped, creating distance between them to spare his own ears from exploding.

"No, thank you," Tsuna replied, voice barely heard. Ryouhei’s bright expression gained a taint of dejection.

"I see.” The boxer let out a soft sigh, surprisingly quiet. Now if he could maintain that normal pitch, maybe they would be able to interact better… maybe…

"THEN, IF YOU EVER CHANGE YOUR MIND, YOU CAN COME TO OUR CLUB ROOM AND SPARE WITH ME UNTIL DAWN TO THE EXTREME!"

There, the loudness came back and Tsuna had to repress a sigh.

He gave him a curt nod and a side glance, again.

As Ryouhei shouted something about “practicing to the extreme,” Tsuna could only stare at his back with a blank face as he ran off, his fists periodically punching the air to emphasize his yells.

Not that he gave a damn.

-.-

"Tsu-kun, is that you?" Sawada Nana popped her head out from the kitchen when she heard the front entrance opening. At the door taking off his shoes, her son looked up and gave her a minute nod.

"I'm back, mom." Tsuna said with his ever present quietness.

Nana beamed him a warm smile. "Breakfast?"

He nodded once again as he plodded up the stairs leading to his room. "Give me a few minutes."

She hummed in reply. Her darling son really didn’t know how to express his emotions properly. It had been since… since when? She gazed through the glass door in the living room. It was hard to believe that he was like that for most of his life, almost 10 years.  A sigh left her lips, one she had no idea she was capable of creating.

"Maybe he’ll smile again if he makes a friend or two… perhaps." No, she thought. Not if, but when. Her son would surely make some friends when the time came. Nana just hoped they would see the good side of her son eventually and stay by his side forever.

-.-

"Mom, I'll be back late again, I want to buy something and go up the mountain after school," Tsuna told Nana when he finished his meal while readying for school. Nana smiled gently to her son; even with his lack of emotions, he always informed her of his whereabouts.

"Be careful." She waved to her lovely son, who gave her his usual nod and went out the door to school.

-.-

Tsuna walked through the school entrance with his standard air of boredom while yawning, his hands inside his pants pockets and his school bag dangling on his right shoulder. With his eyes he searched the members of disciplinary committee who were standing on guard at the school gate. The DC’s duty was to ‘discipline’ – which was simply another word for ‘beat up and hospitalize’ – every student who dared to defy school regulations, working under the name of Hibari Kyouya.

His line of sight migrated to the front when he didn't see the head prefect and the president of that said committee at the front gate. He didn't really care, but catching Hibari’s attention always led to something bad. The rumours about him made Tsuna's lips twitch for a moment. It was amazing how ridiculous some of them were. Maybe he was just misunderstood, and if they could communicate better, Hibari and Tsuna could become close friends… not.

"Look, it's Creepy-Tsuna!"

"He’s such a waste of space when he's here."

"Ha, yeah. Do us all a favor and stay at home."

There they go, all the gossipers. One would think they’d get tired of this day after day, but apparently he was just that entertaining. That, or they had nothing else better to do, which was rather depressing.

Tsuna ignored the surrounding prattle and made his way to class. The looks he got from each classmate -if they bothered to look at all- were of disgust and scorn. He walked toward his seat at the back of the class near the window, tossed his bag to the floor and sat down, chin cradled in his palm as he faced outside.

Even when the teacher came in, his eyes didn't leave the outside view. He liked the sky. It's blue. It's pretty. It's beautiful. It's warm in it's own way. With all the different weather, with all the different birds and insects, with all that came and went and came and went again, it was always present, accepting everything, embracing everything.

"Sawada Tsunayoshi, is my class that boring to you?"

Tsuna turned his head towards the teacher, and he shook his head slowly. "No."

"So, why are you not paying any attention to the lesson?"

His classmates sneered.

Unaffected, he bowed as well as he could in his chair. "Sorry, sensei.”

"Just pay attention, your grades are already bad." The teacher was appeased when Tsuna bowed, and he continued his lesson.

Tsuna could only listen for a few minutes before giving in to the urge to look away, his undivided attention on the sky once more.

A pair of hazel eyes stared at Tsuna from behind a thick text book standing upright. They doubted Tsuna was aware that he was an inspiration to the owner of the eyes.

A shiver ran down Tsuna’s neck. He turned and connected gazes with the staring pair of eyes. Tsuna gave him a curt nod and returned to his earlier activity, not catching a strained smile from the one he gave a nod to.

The bell signalled the end of class and the teacher wrapped up by assigning a handful of homework. As his daily lunch break routine, he headed up the stairs to the rooftop.

He opened the door to the rooftop slowly. A gust of wind rushed to him, making him stumble as he stepped outside. He walked to the end of the roof and peeked over the fence to the ground. Students milled about, eating and goofing off with their friends.

It’s fine this way.

He didn't want to be grouping together with them. He preferred to be alone. He didn't have to put a mask to his face to smile. He didn't have to lie to save himself.

He’s fine this way.

He then lay down to the floor with one of his hand under his head and the other on his stomach, staring at the sky.

He liked it after all.

"Herbivore."

The head prefect a.k.a Hibari Kyouya stared at him from on top the entrance structure. Tsuna woke up and sat facing the head prefect.

"Me?" Tsuna gave him his blank look.

"The roof is off limits to students."

"You’re a student too."

"I'm this school's law."

"So?"

Steel eyes flashed. "I'll bite you to death."

The head prefect jumped down from his place and marched towards Tsuna. Tsuna stood up with trepidation, the bad news coming towards him at the highest speed. But for some reason, Hibari didn't scare him at all. Gripped in his hands with intensity are the infamous steel tonfas, his signature weapon used to “bite” rulebreakers to death. A wave of killer intent flowing from him mad Tsuna's lips twitch into a slight smile, and Hibari eyed him warily though not stopping his steps.

A swing of hard metal to his face made Tsuna take a step backwards and catch the end of a tonfa. A sliver of excitement shined in Hibari’s eyes.

"Hn." Tsuna sidestepped the other tonfa aimed at his stomach and released his tonfa, Hibari going down to his knees from a kick to his right leg. Hibari then gave a round kick but Tsuna managed to jump backwards a few steps away. His lips curved up slightly, replacing his frown.

Hibari stared at the brunet in front of him. For the first time, there was a smile on his face, no sign of his everyday impassivity.

"Fight me." Hibari demanded him.

"No." Tsuna's excitement started to fade away again.

"Now."

Hibari surged to Tsuna, tonfa quickly approaching Tsuna's face but received a kick to his stomach instead, making him stumble backwards.

"I said, I don't want to fight you,” Tsuna said, exasperation clear in his tone, but sighed at the bloodlust from the raven. Hibari charged. Tsuna observed the scene in front of him like a slow motion, he could see clearly Hibari's steps towards him making him wonder why he was so aggressive in the first place.

"Fight me." Hibari swung his tonfas with ferocious speed but Tsuna dodged it all easily.

"No!"

A fist connected with Hibari’s face, much to his surprise. A foot pinned down his side  and prevented his attempt at dodging and the prefect received the knuckles flat to his face, sending him backwards once again.

"You're interesting." Hibari wiped at blood sliding down from his right nostril with the back of his hand.

"I'm sorry, here." Tsuna handed out a handkerchief toward Hibari, but he refused, grunting.

Tsuna sighed and rolled his eyes. "Whatever." He walked towards the door and was gone.

Hibari stared at the back of the brunet until he was gone behind the door, ideas of following and biting the disrespectful herbivore –but was he really? – gone from his head. He looked at the handkerchief that Tsuna left before he walked away, and smirked.

These days were going to be interesting.

Soooo~ if you're interested, you can read it at here..https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11329249/1/The-Monochrome-Sky 

Hope you guys enjoy it.. (^o^)/

My Story - My Coffee Prince...?

Chapter 1.

On the corner of Namimori’s Streets, facing the not-too-busy street, there’s one coffee shop that’s ran  by a bunch of good-looking guys. It had become famous in almost only one night due to the result of their good-looking-waiter boys. They are famous for their finely nice hand-coffee-maker. Though  the old folks and teen girls are always poking their nose in there just to see the bishies in action. *cough*  The waiters entertaining their guest just by smiling-killer-smiles.

DING! DING!

The sound of bell at the front door echoed through the small space of the cafe. A nice smell of roasted coffee and pastry ran through the air when the door to the famous cafe( named Arcobaleno) every time it opened. The group of handsome and gorgeous boys greeted the customers from the doorway. Their same attire was  just like a butler; with a white long sleeve shirt, matched with a  black vest and a thin ribbon to tie it all together, with black pants, black shoes and a waist to knee-length apron. They were all famous with their individual character, personality and with the same trademark smiles. One of the rumored waiters approached with his selling smile that was refreshing and soothing, greeted the customer that coming in. His soft, dirty, brown, straight hair. that reached his chin and a bit long at the back that reach to his shoulder. bounce slightly with his tilted head to the side making a cute gesture.

"Welcome to our cafe!" He recited the usual greeting to welcome the customer that smiled back at him.

"Table for two please," the customer that just came in said. She has a shoulder length brown hair, accompanied with short fringe that was  beautifully cut straight on her eyebrow. Her lips that covered by pale pink lipstick, cracked into a soft smile as she beamed at the waiter that had greeted her. The white frilly dress she was wearing matched perfectly with her black leggings and her black boots.

"Of course, come this way please." He bows slightly before escorting his customer to the table near the window that wasn’t to far away from the entrance. "Please take a seat, miss," He point at the chair in front of him before the customer smiled at him and sat down.

"What would you like to order, miss?" he asked the beautiful woman before him after he gave her the Menu for their cafe.

"Could you please give me a cappuccino?" she smile gently to the waiter as she slapped the menu book close.

"Right away, miss," he bows slightly again before retreating from the table.

"Tsuna-nii," the waiter arrived at the counter and called for the older brunet that waited inside the counter for the order while wiping the goblets gently that were  scattered before him. Tsuna gave him a gentle smile while he place the goblet from his hand up to his head. The place where the goblet hung upside down in a line nicely around the counter. His appearance was the same- with the dark brown hair, but slightly different with his vest that has thin white strips that were vertical, his defied gravity brown hair that was slightly lighter from the others and he wore a pair of glasses that were propped on his nicely shape nose.

"Yes?" he asked.

"A cappuccino for the lovely lady over there," he pointed his chin cutely to the direction he came from. Tsuna took a quick glance at the lady before he smiled and nodded.

There weren't many customers at the moment; only a few of school girls in the corner discussing something, a man drinking coffee while reading the newspaper near the entrance, and a couple sitting near the windows laughing happily.

"Where's Mukuro, Fuuta?" Tsuna asked as he gave Fuuta the cappuccino. The teen only shrugs and shakes his head. Tsuna sighed. He fully understands that friend of his. Always skips his work for doing his usual thing. Peeking at his favorite girl next door! Huh! Tsuna had a war inside his mind about Mukuro.

DING! DING!

Once again the doorbell ringing shattered whatever kind of war that Tsuna was having mentally  with Mukuro inside his head. His eyes automatically following the cute little girl that just came in with Fuuta escorting her. Her big eyes sparkle and the smile on her lips mesmerize Tsuna. The brunet froze as his eyes felt like they where glued to the cute girl that walked towards her friend that already waiting, waving for her arrival.

"Tsuna-nii?" Fuuta's voice shifted his gaze to him. The playful smile on Fuuta's lips had Tsuna's cheeks blushing. The younger teen had been with his older brother forever, even the slightly changed of mood from his brother he'd come to notice it in an instant.

"Sorry," Tsuna smiles shyly with flushed cheeks. A bit embarrassed to be caught by the younger teen."What's the order?" he ask the teen.

"Oh, lemon tea for the cute lady," Fuuta placed the order before him, Tsuna nods. This was the first time that he looked like that, Fuuta chuckled softly trying to hide it from his older brother.

"Tsuna, why did your face so red?" Mukuro's voice whispered in Tsuna's left ear startling him. He jumped slightly to the right side avoiding Mukuro's blue hair that tickled his ear.

Tsuna sighed, "Where are you hiding until now, Mukuro?" trying to hide his embarrassment with his scowl look towards a bit older teen. Mukuro just laugh it off.

"Kufufufu.. I just come back from sending my lady to her cram school, dear Tsuna," Mukuro smiled and trying to kiss the angry Tsuna's cheek, but the brunet luckily avert it off with his palm right at Mukuro's face make him stop in that spot. The said lady is her sister, a five years younger from him. The also indigo haired teen just like his brother but with a black patch at her right eye. The usually ire chuckled brother is overly protected towards his sister actually make Tsuna proud at him.

"This is a work place, Mukuro-kun. Please behave." Tsuna flicked Mukuro's forehead send the older teen backward a step with his usually chuckled voice.

"Ouch," Mukuro rubs his forehead that became slightly red while chuckled happily. Don't really care for the harsh treat that he always received from the brunet. He used to it actually that make it a scary statement. Tsuna immediately distance himself from the perverted teen while handing Fuuta a glass of lemon tea. The younger teen walked away wear a gentle smile on his face towards his customer.

"Where's, Kyoya?" Mukuro asked while scanned the entire cafe' searching for the raven hair kid that always run from him when seeing him. The result after their rash argument a few days ago, which being calmed down by the small brunet that send the two older teen to their sense with knocking their hard head. The first time ever their seen the brunet got angry which send a shivers down to their spine. Even when the blue hair teen brush it off with his usual chuckled, didn't make him got his usual cheerful smile back until he admitted their rudeness. And the raven hair teen just gave him his usual 'hn'ed tone and walk away in silent that not usually like him at all.

"Oh, Kyoya take a day of today, he have an appointment." The brunet explained to him. Mukuro's nod quietly. He look at the calendar, 'oh, it's that time already,' he mumbled to himself.

-.-'''

Ahahahaha... what do you think~? if you wanna read more, just visit me at https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11082631/1/My-Coffee-Prince

arrivederci~ (^o^)/

HARI CUTI~ 

hahahaha.. kalau balik bercuti, ni la jadiknya... geng anak buah ngan macik2 diorang pun jadik sama, tak betul~

Berbahagialah.. semuanya berhak memiliki

Andai aku menyayangimu, aku menyayangi ketulusanmu...
Andai aku mencintaimu, aku mencintai kesederhanaanmu,
Namun..
Andai aku membencimu, aku benci akan keegoanmu..

Ayatul Kursi

Mari kita sama-sama kita amalkannya. InsyaAllah, hidup kita sentiasa berkah dan dirahmatiNya. :)

Azam.. masihkah..?

MASA bergerak begitu pantas. Dalam diam kita sudah memasuki tahun baru Masihi 2013. Ia menandakan usia kita kian berganjak dan semakin tua.

Apabila tahun baru menjelma, pasti ramai bersemangat dengan azam baru masing-masing. Apabila ‘wish’ selamat tahun baru, soalan wajib selepas itu pastinya “Apa azam untuk tahun baru?”

Nak berazam perlu tunggu tahun baru saja ke? Setahun ada 365 hari manakala tahun itu juga adaah himpunan antara hari. Dari hari-hari itulah menjadi setahun. 

Jadi azam tahun baru sebenarnya mesti diukir setiap hari. Jika azam sekadar sebutan dan hanya rutin serta pakej sambutan tahun baru saja, sudah tentu tidak ke mana.

Paling tidak hangatnya sekadar hangat-hangat tahi ayam saja. Berazam macam nak rak tapi apabila sampai tahun baru yang seterusnya, satu azam pun tidak tercapai lagi.

Selepas itu, pandai-pandai saja buat azam baru. Setiap hari, setiap waktu umur kita akan bertambah sama ada memasuki tahun baru atau tidak. 

Hayat kita tetap bertambah singkat dan ajal semakin dekat. Setiap kita disuruh berazam ke arah yang lebih baik, sama ada menjelang atau belum tahun yang baru. 

Itulah kehidupan dan jiwa seorang Muslim. Masa tidak selalu menunggu kita. 
Kebaikan jangan ditangguh, keburukan jangan ditanggung. Jangan menunggu tahun baru untuk berubah kepada yang lebih baik. 

Jangan menunggu tahun baru untuk meninggalkan keburukan. Itulah fenomena hidup kita seharian. Hijrah sudah tak jadi gah sehebat sejarahnya. 

Baca sejarah tapi hilang ceritanya atau rohnya. Jadi sempit dan apabila sudah jadi sempit, kefahaman pun mula mengecil dan apabila kefahaman mengecil, penghayatan pun makin menguncup, hasilnya hijrah tinggal sejarah. 

Ramai yang gagal mencapai azam kerana mereka tidak mempunyai kesungguhan dan beranggapan azam itu tidak penting. 

Ada juga yang menetapkan azam yang terlampau banyak sehingga tidak sempat untuk dicapai pada tahun itu. 

Azam perlu dibuat secara berperingkat. Selesai satu azam, buat azam baru pula. Sepatutnya tahun baru dijadikan sebagai kayu pengukur kepada apa yang dilalui sepanjang setahun. 

Berdasarkan apa yang berlaku sepanjang tahun, mudahlah untuk merancang perkara lebih baik untuk tahun seterusnya. Berusaha berubah kepada yang lebih baik perlu menjadi matlamat Muslim setiap masa. 

Sesiapa yang hidupnya hari ini tidak berubah menjadi lebih baik daripada semalam, bermakna mempersia-siakan peluang hidup pada hari sebelumnya. 

Begitu juga pada azam, tidak perlu menunggu saat tibanya tahun baru. Lakukanlah segera kerana usia tidak akan menanti kita. Perkara yang paling hampir pada diri kita adalah kematian. 

Untuk berubah, demi azam baru, di sini mari sama-sama kita berkongsi tip bagaimana hendak laksanakan azam yang kita pasang selama ini. 

Mulalah dengan mengubah diri sendiri supaya anda menjadi lebih yakin dengan diri anda sendiri. Orang lain juga akan lebih yakin dengan diri anda. 

Mana mungkin jika anda mahu mengajak orang lain berubah sedangkan diri anda sendiri masih berada pada takuk lama. Nanti orang akan cakap yang anda seorang yang cakap tidak serupa bikin. Cakap pandai tapi buat sendiri tak pandai. 

Mula melakukan perubahan secara perlahan-lahan. Tidak dinafikan sememangnya sukar untuk terus berubah dalam masa singkat atau dalam tempoh sekelip saja. 

Jika ia dilakukan secara perlahan-lahan, dengan izin Allah anda akan dapat berubah seperti apa yang anda inginkan. Walaupun perlahan, anda akan dapat mengalami perubahan yang besar dalam diri. 

Lakukan perubahan pada masa sekarang juga. Jangan bertangguh untuk tempoh yang lebih lama lagi. Ini kerana semakin lama anda bertangguh untuk berubah maka ia akan menjadi semakin melarat dan semakin susah untuk melakukannya. 

Perkara yang kecil akan jadi lebih besar jika ia terus dibiarkan. Jadi, ambillah masa yang ada sekarang untuk berubah dan mendapat hasil yang baik pada masa akan datang. 

Berusaha untuk berubah dengan niat yang ikhlas dan lakukannya dengan bersungguh-sungguh. Anda perlu memaksa diri anda untuk berubah dengan sepenuh hati. Jika diri anda tidak dipaksa, anda seolah-olah memanjakan diri anda untuk berubah. 

Nafsu anda juga akan menjadi semakin degil jika tidak dipaksa. Kawal nafsu anda dan jangan biarkan nafsu yang mengawal diri. 

Apabila anda berjaya melakukan perubahan dalam diri maka anda perlu mengulangi perubahan itu sehingga ia menjadi sebati dengan diri. Jika perubahan hanya dibiarkan begitu sahaja, anda hanya akan berjaya untuk berubah seketika dan selepas itu akan kembali kepada takuk lama. 

Oleh itu, jangan sia-siakan perubahan yang anda lakukan. Anda perlu sentiasa melakukannya. 

Kesimpulannya, kita perlu berubah untuk menjadi orang yang lebih baik kerana ia sangat dituntut dalam Islam. Tapi jangan pula berubah kerana disebabkan orang lain. 

Kita perlu ikhlas untuk berubah demi kebaikan diri anda sendiri. Selepas itu bolehlah mengajak orang lain untuk berubah sama. Jika dilakukan dengan niat dan cara yang betul, insya-Allah orang lain akan dapat berubah seperti yang diharapkan. 

Kita juga mendapat ganjaran pahala jika berjaya mengajak orang lain berubah. Cuma awas berubah jangan jadikan ia upacara bermusim berubah dan beristiqamah sehingga menemui Allah. 

Sesungguhnya Allah menciptakan hidup dan mati itu untuk menguji siapakah yang paling baik amalannya.

Artikel ini disiarkan pada : 2013/01/03

aww~

Always hold onto the past sure that so painful and like something terrible. The shadow of the past, is just like a ghost, always following you around. I just don't want you to see that kind of side of me. Your hand that you keep showing me, silently says 'hold onto me' will definitely.. expose.. what I've been keep inside me.. what I keep hidden all this time. And that something I can't allow.. I don't want you to see what the source of this feeling is. Scared. Afraid. Painful. And make my heart almost empty. Drained my soul too. Can you just let me forget? I want to forget. That kind of feeling I don't want to remember or recall or have anymore. Just let it out off of my damn head.

Sigma - Istikharah Cinta + Lirik Lagu

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J9YvpHAB1Tg

Heart Scream..

i've been so lost for so long already..

if i come up with an excuse, will it be change everything? will you accept who i am..?

no one understands.. no one knows.. who i really am..

you accept it or not, that's  real me..

should i tell you something instead..? 

why are our heart so different? 

it's been.. this part of me has been empty forever.. no matter how much i fill it, it's still empty.

i've been aching and yearning.. to the point where i going mad.

i've been longing for something that doesn't exist.

what i truly desire.. is something that i can never have. 

the hand that touched my face.. were freezing cold.. losing the power to think, only a flood of questions filled my mind

why? since when? since when did it grow into this twisted messed?

always.. i want it so badly i can't stand it.. but, my wish will never come true. i'm also very aware of that. i should understood that long ago. 

up until that day, how many times that i hurt you? 

now that i've been noticed, there's nothing i can say that matters anymore.. but, even so.. i didn't want to accept that as the answer..

don't go away.. stay with me only.. fall in love only with me!

koko ni iru kara..

Kadang-kadang aku rasa macam aku dah tak betul lak jadiknya... -.-' kenapa aa~? aku pun nak gak jatuh cinta macam orang lain. Nak gak rasa sayang kat orang. Nak gak bemanja ngan orang y aku sayang tu. >///< hehe.. tapi.. bila 'dia' datang kat aku luahkan rasa hati 'dia', kenapa aku tak rasa pape aa~? hati aku membeku terus je time tuh. Otak aku terus blank. Hitam. Kosong. Tak rase pape langsung. Bila aku baca novel cinta atau pun manga yang penuh dengan ayat2 cinta, hati aku terus terusik. :D Rasa macam bodoh pun ada.... -.-

Bila tengok anime, aku jadik betul2 rindu nak rasa orang sayang aku lagi. Lebih2 lagi bila tengok cite tu Sword Art Online, tengok betapa sayangnya Asuna kat Kirito. Betapa sayangnya Kirito kat Asuna. Jeles lak aku tengok.. ^^'' Mungkin betul kata kawan aku, hati aku dah jadik ais batu. Keras. Sejuk. Walaupun cair, tetap gak 'cold'. Tak rasa pape. Kebas. Kebal. Kaku. Kosong..kosong..kosong..

Hei.. you.. the one that fall for me.. what are you feeling right now? Did you hurt? Did you feel sick? Did you  know that my heart did not feel anything? Do you? I am sorry.. really.. really.. really sorry.. >_<' Me too.. want to love you the way you did, but.. -look at my own hand- it's cold.. pile.. feels nothing.. -.-~  -holds my head- I'm really sorry.. really very sorry to disappoint you.. really very sorry to turn your feeling down.. >_<

Somehow.. deep in my heart.. it's hurt a bit.. there's nothing I can do except apologize.. yeah.. I remember that hurt feeling. It's when someone rejected my confession.. x//D

maa.. ii yo.. daijobu desu yo, konna ni.. ima kara, just need to face forward. kowa ku nai yo.. nee~ ^__^

Ya Allah.. kosong terus otak aku time tu.. O.O  aku nak nangis ;~; , tapi hati aku tak rasa apa pun.. -.-' 

aku tau la benda tu murah, tapi aku sayang sangat-sangat.. boleh pakai lama.. bila aku tau je benda tu hilang, terus aku tak ley nak fokus buat apa-apa pun.. nasib baik aku still ley focus buat keje aku lagi.. aku pun tak tau la, apa masalah orang tu.. geramnya aku!!! >.<

tak reti nak insaf-insaf lagi ke? sedar la sikit, bila rumah da kata pergi..kubur lak da kata mari.. >.> -sigh- 

Ya Allah, berilah keinsafan pada hambaMu yang sangat kasihan itu Ya Allah.. berikanlah petunjukMu untuknya.. Amin

It’s funny isn't it? Have to deal  with that kind of feeling. Make me tired than usual. Even tired than my work. That confession really take whole of my energy that left for that day. My hands shaking violently. My heart racing furiously. Even my body trembling with excitement and embarrassment. Gawd.. I’m so dead.. -.-‘  

ahhh~
dia makin jauh.. semakin jauh dari sisi.. aku tak nak macam ni!!
aku tak nak dia 'mati'!!!
aku tahu...
sejak dari mula lagi, kita tak pernah ditakdirkan untuk bersama..
walaupun tanpa penipuan itu, aku tahu.. kau akan pilih perempuan macam tu untuk mendampingimu..
walaupun tanpa dia memberitahu ku bahawa kau mempunyai ramai peminat.. kau tetap tak akan memilih orang macam aku untuk ada di sampingmu..
aku tahu.. 
antara kau dan aku, terlalu jauh berbeza.. 
hati kita.. jiwa kita.. status kita.. rupa paras kita.. segalanya..
memang tak akan pernah.. walaupun aku bermimpi.. aku tak akan mampu untuk berdiri setara di sisimu..
hahahahahaha
walau sekuat mana aku tertawa.. walau selama mana aku mengalirkan air mata.. walau sedalam mana aku berteriak.. kau tetap tak akan jadi milikku.. aku tahu itu..

aku ingin selalu ada di situ untuk melindungimu..
selagi aku mampu..
aku akan sentiasa menemanimu ke akhir nafasku..
jangan ada yang mengganggu..
jangan ada yang mencelah di antara kita...
ahh~
andainya ia bisa jadi kenyataan..
alangkah gembiranya..
akan ku luangkan seluruh waktu terluangku hanya untukmu seorang...
tidak bolehkah..
kalau hanya ada aku di hatimu?
jangan ada dia..
jangan ada sesiapa yang mengganggu gurisan hati kita..
sentiasa ada di situ hanya untuk aku.. selalu.. tanpa jemu.. tanpa ada penghalang.. 
sentiasa tersenyum dan tertawa.. kita berdua berkongsi bersama..

UWAAAAAA~!!! hahahahahahahahaha

kalau pasal berangan, bagi je kat aku... ( memang kuat berangan punya orang xD )

Hey~ 
KAU!!!
si Pujaan Hati!!!
aku ada di sini.. sentiasa untuk mu.. 
turn around to me when you feel down or your heart get broken.. ( =w=''... gawd.. kejam~! ) i'm here for you.. ( sellfish and.. liar..(?) ) 



~malamjadisaksicintaaku~

maLaM iTU..~

malam sempurna dalam wujudnya...
 

menghadirkan bulan yang terapung dalam pucat warnanya..
 

menerbitkan bintang-bintang mengerdip bagai mata kucing yang menata..
 

sejemput misteri wujud bersamanya..
 

adalah rumah bagi yang mendamba.. tapi bagai lohong hitam bagi yang memiliki duka nestapa..

apa lagi yang dicari  dalam pekatnya warna malam...

hitam gelapnya membongkar cerita yang tersembunyi bagai sebuah jalinan yang tiada berpenghujung..

apa yang kau tunggu..?

apa yang kau cari..?

apa yang lagi teringin untuk kau temui..?

belum cukup lagikah luka yang membekas di hatimu..?

belum habis lagikah air mata yang jatuh ke pipimu membasahi seluruh dadamu..?

hentikan tangisanmu!!!

sudah tiada apa yang tinggal untukmu..

lepaskan semua pergi..

tiada guna walau kau tangisi..

membuang masa juga tenagamu..

senyumlah..

walau dunia tak seindah syurga..

walau realiti yang kau hadap tak seindah apa yang kau impikan..

walau hatimu penuh dengan parut luka..

walau cerah hari terpenuhi dengan mendung yang kelabu..

walau wajah yang kau dambakan tiada bersama..

walau kini kau keseorangan berteman gelap malam..

bulan pucat tergantung di angkasa

menebarkan cahaya malapnya

mencuba menerangi bumi di bawahnya

kau merenungnya lama..

mencari kekuatan yang masih bersisa, kau cuba berdiri..

walau sedikit rapuh bertatih.. kau melangkah pergi..

bersama tangisan yang masih bersisa

membawa bersama jiwa yang lara

berteman lingkaran patah yang kau ukirkan di wajah..

membuang sisa gundah

meninggalkan bening yang mula mengering

meniupkan pergi rasa yang menggugah..

terbiar kaku.. layu dan membeku

Allah sentiasa tahu apa yang terbaik untuk dirimu.. Bergembiralah..

ThiS iT..~

what's this..? 
this feelings is killing me...
ouch!!!

 i have to be more tolerate... am i..?
why do i have to feel this hurt...
my chest in pain..
i miss him...
i just longing to talk to him... even just in the chatting area.. gahh~ 

hey, my sweetheart...
the overflowing feeling stirring up my chest...
for you.. because of you..
the more i endure it, the more it goes filling it up..
come near me.. talk to me.. hear my thought of you.. feel my passion.. 
everything...
everything is just only for you..
smile for me.. 
that's the only i need from you..


did you hear it..?
did you feel it..?
my heart.. calling for you..
my thought.. yelling your name..
<3 <3 <3

some mumbling~ again...

I love you...

it's the reason enough for me to stay in love with you..
i don't have any reason beside that...
being in love with you is enough to make me happy..
but i can't find the strength to say it out loud to you..
i don't have that courage to open my mouth and say it to you..
even i.. don't have that much of strength to speak a word to you..

when i say it..
what kind of face you'll show me..?
what kind of words that you would answer me..?
what kind of expression that you would give me..?
what kind of excuse you've made..?
what kind of smile am i give..?
ahhh~
i'm so scared...
like i would died for that.. really..


ahhhhhhhhhh~~ 
what should i do~????????
  

Rasa Itu...

apa yang boleh aku definisikan tentang diri sendiri..?  hmm.......
 hehehehe...
tak banyak yang aku boleh bagi tahu, sebab.. orang yang pandang lebih tahu daripada aku sendiri..

di ketika aku sendiri..
banyak yang bermain di hati...
banyak yang bersarang  di minda..
menyesakkan dada.. memberatkan minda..
membuat aku terkadang merasa kosong..
aku tak ingin benda tu menyemakkan otak aku yang tak boleh menampung beban berat macam tu..

adakalanya...
aku kalah dengan kata hati...
meletakkan perasaan melebihi akal dan fikiran...
membuatku kadang merasa hilang dalam angan kala sedar..
terkadang aku sendiri tak tahu.. apa yang aku mahukan...

hey, pujaan hatiku~
apa khabarmu tika ini..?
ku harap kau baik-baik saja...
seandainya kau tahu, betapa aku merindukanmu... apakah katamu..?
ah~ 
aku tak tahu.. mengapa dadaku penuh dengan namamu..
aku tak tahu.. mengapa fikiranku sering terarah kepadamu..
aku tak tahu.. sejak bila rasa itu ada di situ..
aku tak tahu.. cintaku mula berputik untukmu..
aku tak tahu.. rinduku sentiasa ada untukmu..
aku tak tahu.. 
aku betul-betul tak tahu...

walau kau kini jauh..
 walau kau tiada bersamaku..
jagalah hatimu.. jagalah ia untukku..
gembiralah selalu.. senyumlah tiap waktu..
moga yang terbaik sentiasa bersamamu... pujaan hatiku..

satu yang aku mahu kau sentiasa tahu..
 aku cintakanmu..
selalu..
tak akan pernah aku jemu..
kerana..
baru kali ini aku merasakan perasaan yang menyesakkan dada itu..
ahh~

jaa na~ 
mata nee..